Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Why big boobs.....


suck! For many years I wanted big boobs - not big ass gross porno size boobs but nice fuller C's.  I always admired from afar but I know I would never go in to get plastic surgery done. Plastic surgery is to each their own.  If you feel that going under the knife is going to make you feel better about yourself more power to you.  I however would not pay 20,000 to go under the knife and get something foreign shoved in my body and have to re do them in another 15 years so they won't explode in my chest.    I am not by any means a hippie skippy far from it  - but I have taken the holistic approach in my health and it has been working for me.  I also think that all this botox is not OK they say it is safe, but they also said smoking was safe about 60 years ago.  My boobs were always a great B but after I had my lovely daughter these bitches have gotten a bit bigger and to tell you the truth a big pain in the ass. I got measured for some new bras the other day and almost had a heart attached when I saw my new cup size. I knew that had gotten larger BUT DAMN....Let's just say that no longer wearing a bra is not going to be an option...Below are also other reasons why big titties are over rated.


  • Bras {in my opinion} are not as pretty and feel like some kind of chest armor from some medieval age 


  • You can no longer wear a damn button up blouse because the shirts never sit right just were your boob chest is or it just looks really tacky


  • Depending on clothing manufacturers you need to go up a size in dresses in order to fit your boobs and your ass area is still too big...So getting a great tailor is a must - but get ready for the additional $$$
  • Men's eyes tend to wander to that region they try not to but they can't help themselves but it always makes you feel cheap
  • No matter how great your work out bras is working out bounce sucks 
  • Swimsuit shopping sucks even more than it usually does! Because no matter how you try and squeeze those puppies in they look like stuffed mushrooms not pretty.



  • Droop Droop from the weight of those big ugly floppy boobs from when  you had baby......now no matter how many exercises you do they will never be perky again...bastards!

  • Have you tried golfing with tits?!?

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Thursday, June 26, 2014

The case of the dissapearing...



friends. COme on now we have all had this case happen to us one day you guys are connected to the hips in the following years the friends just disappear.Now we have had some friends "disappear" and we were really happy that they did disappear those were the fare weather friends much like the fans that jump on a teams wagon when they are winning and all is good...you know the type as long as their was liquor flowing and the party was going they were around...when the shit hit the fan those were the first ones that took a hike. Those are people that no longer matter and after much agonizing bullshit you go through you finally are so relieved of their drama that you feel like a huge rock has been lifted from your shoulders. Life has been pretty much a light and bright since we got rid of the stink and started to hang out with "normal" people. But that is cool because at that point you saw who your real friends were and along the way we have made some new true friends that we can see in our lives for a long time. Making friends after 40 is never easy but your older and wiser and smell the crap allot sooner than you were in your late 20's still trying to fit in. You cut the tumors right out.



Now saying this, their are also the ones that have just disappeared that we cared for immensely and we have no idea what the hell happened. I have had this happen to family members, my husband and myself. What the f*ck? One case in particular where everything was fine, the person was here through our daughters birth and after and then all of sudden he dropped off the face of the earth. This person was a super close friend of my husbands. We have called and tried to Facebook him but he just stopped communicating with my husband and it appears with just the old party crew. I know my husband says it does not bother him but I can tell it does especially when he has called many many times and he has not bothered to call back. These guys were pretty much glued to the hips for years. Now I understand that things change, people grow and you have your own families to tend to, but throughout the years no matter how long these two did not communicate it would just take one phone call and everything would be right back were it started. I do not know what happened but I thought more of this person that to just poof be gone from our lives.

This also leaves these questions? How long and for how long do you give a shit? When do you stop trying and just walk away and let it be?  Or do you continue trying and just get knocked over every time you try to communicate with the person?





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Thursday, June 12, 2014

Shit...am I really having....


to have to through this "stuff" with my 4 year toddler daughter already? My GG asked me if she could grow out her hair a bit longer..I said no problem as long as she kept a clip on her bangs so she did not see hair in her face.

I asked her "GG are you excited to grow your hair longer?"
She said "Yes mama I am so excited"
I responded "GG you have such a great shade of light brown, so pretty."
She looked at me with this horror look on her face.
"But mama I don't want brown hair........ brown hair is....is.... icky...I want long blond hair".
I go why?
She said because blond hair makes you better and prettier

I almost shit my pants as picked my jaw off the floor. I sat my daughter down and explained that this was bullshit {and YES I used the word bullshit} and that was not accurate. I explained to her that all hair color is beautiful and not one type of hair color. Just like all skin color is beautiful, all eye color. We all come in every shape and color and that one "type" of look is  not better than the next.

I once was that so hopeful future mom who said their is NO way in HELL my daughter will have barbies and the Disney chicks in the house blah blah blah...well fast forward 4 years later and my damn house has become a orgy haven of naked Barbies and half dressed Disney characters. I had to troll sites for Anna from Frozen and my awesome MIL spent way too much on the Elsa doll that she happened to find. Oh...you can try to resist the "Barbie/Disney  "movement" but you can't.  I resisted as much I could but eventually you too will trampled by the mass marketing machine.   Non bull shit these kids brains get hit on a daily basis. And even if you limit the time via TV/IPAD/IPHONE they will still get the 411 from their other toddler friends at preschool. So with the dolls comes the image the image of what is considered "beautiful and accepted" in our society. I am trying my best to expose my daughter to all types of cultures and lifestyles and hope what I am teaching her now will stick.



Note - You know what pisses me off to end though if you do watch Tangled what it is saying towards the end when she cuts her hair is that short brown hair is icky and only when you have long blond hair is when your special and have power. Mmmmm....pfft.....


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Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Overly sensitive wimpy boys......


I am scared that my lovely daughter is going to bring one of these home...god forbids I would rather she bring home some Goth wanna be band member than one of these boys. I have noticed a pattern in the last few years especially being around kids SOME {not all let's just get that right out}boys have just become whiny, wimpy and not tough. I see them on the playground, I see them at the pools I see them at my daughters self defense classes,  I see them everywhere. Crying, whining and just being big old fat cry babies. They cry at the drop off the hat, they are scared of EVErything, they can't go down a slide without being held by their mommies.They take a tumble and the moms just FREAK out to the point that they end up freaking out the kid even more.  In the mean time I look around and see the girls in the same age brackets...KICKIN ass and taking names. Not scared, tough and just living their little lives. I mean my 4 year old girl toddler graduated to the adult roller coaster at the fair this year{she is tall} she got on that thing with no fear....she went on that roller coaster 12 times that day. I don't get it and I don't remember it being this bad. Some boys have become just so sensitive.


I remember the first time my daughter fell and I looked at her and told her to suck it up{which she did} the look of horror on the other moms face on the playground was priceless. Is this part of the problem are some moms just being too over protective? It scares me that some days these whiny little boys will become adult size whiny little men- which in the bay area has become an epidemic.

What is happening and did I miss a memo that this was going to become the norm?  Or maybe I am just a ball buster with my daughter that is making her into a future ball busting independent woman? Mmmmmm



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Saturday, May 31, 2014

Why it is so damn hard.....

too make new mom friends?????


Yep I know it has been awhile but I am trying to get back into the swinging from the blogging world vines so as too not lose my mind with all the random shit that swims in this brain throughout the day. I figured if I don't get this crap out of my swirling land mind called my brain I might go off on one of the suburban moms out here and that would just NOt be pretty - City girl in the HOuse.... I am also thinking about making a few changes to the blog and overall format to be even bitchier and crankier than before. Since making the move here I have seen WAAYYYY too many things that I have found strange to a city girl like myslef.....Shit crack head peeing on themselves no problem...mini vans with all these stick people stickers  f*uckin freaking me out.  YES I am finally back and feeling that old striking cold blood  feeling in my veins after a little bit of a break.

So the above came up recently. As you all know I am in my 40's and proud bitches! I have a 4 year old going on 25 and an amazing but yet smart ass husband and two extremely loud and clumsy fur monkeys.
I am very personable and will not apologize for the fact, I have sick sense of humor, love horror, loud music and love to hang out and have a good time. I am Italian so sometimes obnoxious comes to the mix I am however caring and yes......sometimes GAgh nice. I especially love getting to know new people and have never had any issues and developing new friendships....So I ask why is it so DAMN hard to make some new mommy friends?????I know that this is a question that is not only have me wondering but other moms that I have spoken to. I feel every time that I crack a joke or say to a new mom who is looking for a play date - Hey maybe we should have some wine with that play date they look at me like I threatened them with some kind of medieval torture ritual.  Dude I am now asking to take your first unborn child and to lock it up in a tower, I am just trying to feel out what kind of person you might be and if your sense of humor is going to be able to keep up with this sick ass - because I need someone to keep up sorry I just can't deal with people who have a hard time making conversation. {Yes I know some people are shy but some of those people also do not know how to form sentences - I blame cell/smart phone explosion for this}. People just don't care to get to know people anymore. A concept I do not understand like adult women who wear princess crowns - not OK.


Motherhood could be a lonely thing so when you try and connect and feel like their is no way this person could handle the terror of my personality train you just shut down. It is also way harder to make new friends when you are my age  - sorry the not so old get set in their ways. I am an open f&ckin book. In the last 4 years of this motherhood thing I have met a total of 3 gals that I love to kick it with and you know who you are wink wink....I have a tight group of old school friends and those will always be staples in my life{some we have had too just let go after much trying and many excuses we have decided it is time to move on}.

Thank balls for my amazing SIL whom is my sister from another mister has made moving here less of a shock to my black wardrobe wearing system - she is the kind of gal where I text... "
Bring the kiddos over I just set up the slip n slide" 
She shows up 10 minutes later with kids and a bottle of amazing Rose. We kick it for the afternoon meanwhile the kids are having so much fun that can't see straight - we talk reality TV - relax - Isn't that what a play date is supposed to be? Some time for decompression for both child and mom?

I want to extend more play date invitations but I sometimes feel ON SOME OCCASION not all the time that those are just so......just so.......Pffftttttt why go through all of that to go on one probably play date never to see/hear from that mother again?..you know what I mean?!? I also don't want to spend the whole time talking about my Billy -  I f*ckin see Billy everyday mommy needs a break from Billy.   I want to get to know you. We were human beings before we got abducted by the parenthood spaceship.   I think we all get caught up in life and we are just too tired sometimes to deal but it feels like friggin HS all over again and this time around I have smarter mouth, bigger attitude and less of  a filter. Now I know it takes time and like I said we are making a dent{I have met some nice mommies at my daughters preschool} but I just see how we as moms and women in general are just hard on each other? Why add another PITA item on our growing list of bull shit?

Hey wanna come over for a play date?????





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